movie bug
I'm in the middle of moving at the moment, but am exhausted, to the point where i walked out of work because i knew i was about 2 minutes from a meltdown.
So tired now, and i need to finishe cleanign the house, but god i just want to stop aching right now.
Was up at 6am after going to bed at 1.30am.
Want to post more about whats going on but im brain mush, but I can say i am looking forward to being back in the coburg area, near good food, and freinds and family :)

whats been going on
movie bug
So things have been hectic.
Finished up at the old job, was given a lovely going away afternoon tea by the staff and even some of the COM members came which was really nice.
On my last day at work i got rung up and asked if I'd been interested in an interim emergency fill in position at another local communtiy house. Had an interview last tuesday and am now employed to fill in for 6 weeks at Glen Park Community Centre.
Start tommorrow and am a little nervous, but sure it will be fine.
On Saturday I went to a wedding of Nicole and Glen in Healesville at the lovely Strath Vea B&B.
Sunday was Shakespeare and the madness of Henry the 6th Part 2, which i enjoyed immensley.
Then family get together, Next day helped dad get a new laptop, and hung about with mum for a bit.
Fuzzy about tuesday and Wednessday.
Thursday Went to the ccity and caught up with Bec and Heath for a lovely Japanese lunch and then looked at the Look exhibition about childrens illustration, wandered through the city adn then drove to meet Tanya and see her workplace.
We then went to dinner with Heath Tanya and Dan at a lovely pizzeria.
Friday had an odd emotional day and then went to the Fox in collingwood for dinner. Which I must say had wonderful food at very decent prices and a very gay friendly clientelle, and good music.
Saturday Hung with my mum and took her wandering about Elwood, as she's been a bit depressed at the moment and wanted to get her out of the house and expand her ideas about where they might want to move to and just get her out and about. Saturday arvo went and hung with Dave, Jude and Chilli which was great fun, she looked very cute in her wonder women outfit. Dave cooked a fabulous home made chicken schnitzel with pineapple.
Today went for a swim and caught up with Nic adn Glenn who are flying out to the states next week.
Tried to make Macaroons which failed but i will not give up i will try again another day.
So start a new job tommorrow a little worried about it, but think i'm up to it.
Will post a bit more about it tommorrow after the first day.

whats been going on
movie bug
So things have been hectic, but thankfully I'm on holidays at the moment.
Be going back to work for 2 - 3 weeks and then finishing up with my job, which means i then have to decide whether i stay in the area, move back to the city (which is kind of winning out as an idea at the moment), figure out what sort of work i want to do and how many hours i want to work. Whether i want to go back to tafe part time, and what sort of other stuff i want to be doing.
When i start thinking about all the stuff i need to do, I get a little stressed out. 
But besides that have set some silly goals for the year.
1. read 100 books (probably pretty acheivable)
2. Get fitter
3. Cook 1 thing a week i have never cooked before.

Anyway tired and going to head off now :D
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movie bug
So Heading into the last week before holidays, thank god.
Feeling pretty tired and pretty over the whole amount of bullshit that i have to get done before the holidays proper.
Which includes putting carols on for the community. and various other joyous paperwork thingys.

Oh applied for a job at ACMI yesterday, thanks to everyone who helped out (you know who you are)

Oh and had my last session with my counsellor after 5 years. Was hard but good, realising how much progress I've made over that period of time. Not that its been easy, but at least life isn't a day to day struggle for survival anymore, at least my nerves don't feel like theirs fingernails and chalkboards screeching through my body and my head, achieved much, gotten heaps done :)

So at the moment i find myself looking for a new job, probably a new place to live and a new counsellor too boot.

Feeling tired today, but getting through the workload.
will post more tommorrow when i can think and arent in such a crappy mood. :P

movie bug
So it's been an interesting (stressfull) couple of weeks.
Work has been a little fraught and today after 2 weeks space between the first committee meeting I met to find out what the final decision was with my employment,
I felt sorry for them, one of them sat in the parking lot for 20 minutes and didn't want to come inside until their was backup, i sat in my office after preparing the room and laying out the food. All day it seemed a little fucked up that i had to supply the food at my own funeral.
but I digress anyway they rocked up, looking guilty and depressed. I'd pretty much presumed they would already ask me to leave / fire me so no big surprise their. So in a weird way i kind of felt like i had to make it easier on them, weird but you know.
All in all it seems like it's time to move on, they were very kind, like me very much, it's not personal yadda yadda yadda. And they mean it, it's just i'm not shall we say diplomatic enough for a small town community center. I presume (mistakenly) that when people talk to me they will actually tell me what is on their minds, that they will be honest and at the very least it won't go past me and onto 30 other members of the community in a garbelled chinese whispers sort of annoying curse.
So really im not to upset, just exhausted at this stage. and while the area i live in is beautiful I miss the diversity of the little community in melbourne, i miss the food, and the ability to just pop past and visit freinds.
Though to be honest the last 12 months is the healthiest i've felt in a long time, my anxiety has been down, i've been less depressed, though certainly under far more stress than i have ever been under career wise ever before.
So the question is now what next, where to live, stay here or move, What sort of work do i look for. you know the perenial shit that comes up.
So thats the day, sleep time now
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So its been a day
movie bug
So its been a bit of a day today, one of those annoying ones that makes you
sit at your desk and query what in gods name am i doing here? What is the point and why am i trying my hardest and slaving my guts out working for ridiculously low pay, to manage something that it seems no one appreciates.

Today was technically the last day of my works Financial Officer, who is leaving after 4 years. She is the 3rd person to decamp from the organisation since i started. (She sent me her letter of resignation while i was on holiday - was really happy to discover that one when i returned back to work last week)

When talking to her today i was saying that i was beginning to get a  bit paranoid about everyone leaving and was unsure what it was that i was doing wrong.
She did this weird thing where she shrugged and when i asked what was the problem she just said "she was leaving and didn't really think it mattered"

This is someone I've tried really hard to get along with, in fact thought i was quite friendly with, and i just got kind of paranoid and sad. The old Admin person who worked with me for 8 months hasn't even talked to me since she left, even though she drops off and picks up her daughter from the carpark out the front of the office.

I'm finding it hard, I'm not like most people who live in my area, I don't have kids, I'm not in a relationship. I try very hard to get on with people, make them feel welcome and listened too, Try to manage the staff kindly, but I am new to managing people. to organising the amount of stuff that needs to be done. Occassionally i talk to myself and get annoyed and rant a little, but try not to do it too much and generally its in my office where no one can really hear.

Tomorrow I have my yearly review after delivering the COM meeting and budget for the next year. I am tired, I feel uncertain constantly as to whether I should even be doing this job, but I'm not sure what else i should be doing. Lately i feel very unsure of myself, of what it is that I'm good at. I feel unlike the people in my area and alone.
Part of me hopes that they fire / don't review my contract at the end of the year. Part of me is terrified that's exactly what will happen.

Feeling pretty stressed at the moment. Unsure as to what i want to do, where I'm going. While I love being in the country amongst the trees, I'm not sure I'm suited to being amongst the rural population.

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Its been awhile
movie bug
<input ... >So its been awhile since i posted, and reading through all the posts ive missed in the last couple of months i'm a little ashamed. The people on this friend's lists are all people i love deeply and admire.

So hugs too you all, reading i realize that many of you have not been having the easiest of times. I Sincerely hope that they get better for you.

On the personal front, i have been working my way through the myriad of unfinished projects (will post images once i download photos),

Working my pattootie off in a job i conversely love and hate depending on the day and what time it is. I routinely vacillate between being terrified they won't renew my contract at the end of the year and desperately hoping they will fire me so i don't have to feel guilty taking 3 months off to recover from this year.

Trying to figure out what it is I am doing here (on this planet), what the whole point is, and the meaning of life. No answers yet.

I attended a massive family event in the marriage of my younger brother Alex to his superb girlfriend (now Wife) Khemar, who i love immensely. The wedding was held in Brisbane which meant that i did several things i haven't done in a very long time
A) got on a plane - first time in 10 years
B) Went on holiday somewhere that wasn't the family holiday house by the beach - around about the same time period as the plane thing.
C) wore high heels and makeup and fancy clothing

The wedding was a family extravaganza requiring 3 to 4 events a day for 5 days. Which besides the wedding included a Burmese Buddhist wedding blessing ceremony, and the eating of much food at various places around BrisVegas. Which was a surprisingly lovely place.

Today I started the pre summer clean up required in my bushfire prone area, with the help of Chaoscrafter, who was fantastic, and enabled me to get through at least 1/3 of the gardening chores in a single day :D.

Also things are ramping up at work for Christmas, with grants, programes for next year to organise and a set of christmas carols to run before a very exciting 3 weeks off.

Any way will endeavor to post here more.

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movie bug
Well been a while since I've posted, things have been mad at work, but good.
Lost power for two days but have it back again.
Always good to know my survival skills are up to scratch and have managed to have fires going first go two nights running and cooked dinner in the dark etc.
But gotta say I'm mightely glad to have power back again. Its amasing the amount of things that use electricity that you take for granted, heating and hot water for a start. Makes me think more about what is and isn't necessary.
But earned points with real estate agents for not having an almighty hissy fit demanding immediate sending of electrician. which may be necessary as im going to see a flat on the weekend. As i might have to down grade living situations as My work wasn't able to give me any more hours a week.
So trying to find ways of living cheaper and while i don't really want to move, it's something i need to look into.
But all in all  a good week, if not a little annoying.
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Life N' Stuff
movie bug

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So had a good week, very busy, finding myself thinking about lots of stuff, trying to way up options that will save me a bit of cash.
Which include
- asking work to pay me for all the hours I'm doing to do my job.
- move some where smaller and cheaper
- get a second job.
So all have their pluses and minuses, and just have to figure out which will work best.

But feel pretty good about being proactive about what i need to do to make life a bit easier.
Had a great Saturday chilling out hanging with friends etc. Sunday woke feeling a little tired, but drove into town to start my day hanging with my mum and dad for lunch. The whole family came together for an amasing lunch of home made seafood chowder. But ended up bailing on the rest of my afternoons plans in favour for going home, so i can go to bed after Masterchef final.

Which was Awesome. No Spoilers i swear.
The invention tests were great, and honestly Callum pulled out a dish that actually worked at the end. And i would have loved to try both the dishes.
But what i am most amassed by was the final desert which has made me decide to start making a list of restaurants around Australia i want to try.

So pretty good all in all. :D

Back at the Gulag
So back to work today, it was good to be back, but was exceptionally busy, busy to the point of insanity really.
The phones wouldn't stop ringing, and one sneaky problem after another kept rolling in. So i spent most of my day trying to read one or two thousand peices of vital information, a phone up against ear, websites being flicked through to gain info for events being put on tommorrow, an admin worker who was stressed out of her mind because she was making flyers (flyers for god sake) and people occassionally just dropping by for a chat and a catch up cause of course the first day back after holidays is never busy, particularly at 3.45pm in the afternoon when your trying to leave for the day... GAGGGHHHH.

But at least nothing was too monumentally wrong, tommorrow looks to be busy again, with a diabetes education talk and lunch we are putting on ( i shook my head at myself as i traweled through the joy of safeway after school hours, to buy all the ingrediants for said lunch i have to prepare). a few thousand problems to solve, a finance officer in for the first time in a month, and an all exciting DEEWR audit to complete and funding agreement to sign, which i need to go through with the old manager as apparently they have changed some stuff ( i unfortunately don't know what that stuff is) so a small day...

But you know at least i'm busy, no time to sit around twidling my thumbs at least :D
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