I'm finding it hard, I'm not like most people who live in my area, I don't have kids, I'm not in a relationship. I try very hard to get on with people, make them feel welcome and listened too, Try to manage the staff kindly, but I am new to managing people. to organising the amount of stuff that needs to be done. Occassionally i talk to myself and get annoyed and rant a little, but try not to do it too much and generally its in my office where no one can really hear.
Tomorrow I have my yearly review after delivering the COM meeting and budget for the next year. I am tired, I feel uncertain constantly as to whether I should even be doing this job, but I'm not sure what else i should be doing. Lately i feel very unsure of myself, of what it is that I'm good at. I feel unlike the people in my area and alone.
Part of me hopes that they fire / don't review my contract at the end of the year. Part of me is terrified that's exactly what will happen.
Feeling pretty stressed at the moment. Unsure as to what i want to do, where I'm going. While I love being in the country amongst the trees, I'm not sure I'm suited to being amongst the rural population.
So hugs too you all, reading i realize that many of you have not been having the easiest of times. I Sincerely hope that they get better for you.
On the personal front, i have been working my way through the myriad of unfinished projects (will post images once i download photos),
Working my pattootie off in a job i conversely love and hate depending on the day and what time it is. I routinely vacillate between being terrified they won't renew my contract at the end of the year and desperately hoping they will fire me so i don't have to feel guilty taking 3 months off to recover from this year.
Trying to figure out what it is I am doing here (on this planet), what the whole point is, and the meaning of life. No answers yet.
I attended a massive family event in the marriage of my younger brother Alex to his superb girlfriend (now Wife) Khemar, who i love immensely. The wedding was held in Brisbane which meant that i did several things i haven't done in a very long time
A) got on a plane - first time in 10 years
B) Went on holiday somewhere that wasn't the family holiday house by the beach - around about the same time period as the plane thing.
C) wore high heels and makeup and fancy clothing
The wedding was a family extravaganza requiring 3 to 4 events a day for 5 days. Which besides the wedding included a Burmese Buddhist wedding blessing ceremony, and the eating of much food at various places around BrisVegas. Which was a surprisingly lovely place.
Today I started the pre summer clean up required in my bushfire prone area, with the help of Chaoscrafter, who was fantastic, and enabled me to get through at least 1/3 of the gardening chores in a single day :D.
Also things are ramping up at work for Christmas, with grants, programes for next year to organise and a set of christmas carols to run before a very exciting 3 weeks off.
Any way will endeavor to post here more.